Blamed for my own assault

Across Aotearoa, thousands of people have taken the pledge to #EndVictimBlaming.

Our recent movement to Change the Script on victim blaming was rooted in shocking new research. It revealed that we have a serious culture of victim blaming in our country, and it not only has a profound impact on the victims – but their friends, families and communities.

Together, we are challenging the narrative that’s allowed victim-survivors to be blamed for the crimes committed against them.

“It really impacted me mentally, probably more, because it was a struggle to understand how I could be blamed for such a horrendous incident. I’m the victim of this. I didn’t deserve it at all. And there’s no excuse to resort to violence.”

Shannen, a victim of a coward punch, came forward after seeing the Change the Script campaign.

In March, Shannen was assaulted at work by a colleague. This was no ordinary confrontation. He was blindsided - struck in what’s known as a coward punch. “A coward punch is one that’s given when the victim isn’t expecting it and isn’t able to protect themselves,” Shannen explains.

“It’s also likely to be a punch to the head,” Shannen continues, “causing the victim to become unconscious from the fall.”

“So a coward punch is also known as a king hit, but I really hate it being called that, because there’s nothing noble about hitting someone in a cowardly manner.”

He never saw it coming. But the real shock came later, when his employer conducted an internal investigation and blamed him for the attack.

Reading the report, Shannen was horrified. The report claimed his colleague was “fatigued and stressed” when Shannen allegedly disrespected him. “They said the coward that punched me did not control his impatience with my disrespect,” Shannen recalls. “It just felt really horrible. I was overcome with emotion - sadness, and questioning myself. Am I the horrible person they’re making me out to be?”

This is the harm of victim blaming. It rewrites the narrative, shifting the focus from the offender to the victim, as if they somehow caused the crime. For Shannen, it was more than just a physical assault: “It was not only a physical attack, it was an attack on me - on my character itself.”

Victim blaming forces victims to question themselves. It creates a cycle of anxiety and self-doubt, compounding the trauma of the initial incident. Shannen describes how he felt after reading the report. “It caused me a lot of anxiety and shame, like the attack itself wasn’t bad enough. I was led to believe I deserved what I got.”

“You really need to dig deep within yourself to find that part of you that knows the truth and knows who you are."

But the truth is, Shannen didn’t deserve it. No one does.

Shannen’s story is a painful reminder of why the Change the Script campaign is sadly necessary. It’s about dismantling the harmful mindset that blames victims for the harm they’ve endured, and instead, placing accountability squarely where it belongs - on the offenders.

“I hope that when people see the campaign to end victim blaming, it resonates with them,” Shannen says. “So they don’t feel ashamed or have to keep anything inside, or that they have to put up with being blamed.”

“You really need to dig deep within yourself to find that part of you that knows the truth and knows who you are. It’ll get you through the stress and the anxiety and all the emotional baggage that comes with being blamed.”

It’s time to stop asking why the victim didn’t leave, why they were in the wrong place at the wrong time, or what they could have done differently. It’s time to hold criminals accountable and support victims in their recovery.

Shannen’s experience is not unique, and that’s why we all must change the script. By changing the script on victim blaming, we are standing with people like Shannen. We are saying, loud and clear: It is not your fault.

By supporting Victim Support, you’re ensuring that victims are heard, believed, and supported when they need it most. Your donation helps give them access to timely, important information and access to services and financial assistance.  

Let’s make sure that no one else has to ask themselves, “Am I what they say I am?”

Want to learn more about victim blaming? Click here.